Welcome to JJ’s Words! It’s my public journal for me to share my experiences, document my journey, and my thoughts on literally anything, any advice, things I consume, things going on in my life, and anything else that I may find interesting. It’s mostly unplanned, unedited writing to get whatever thoughts out from the week(however short or long, and hopefully, there’s something that you may find interesting, helpful, or valuable. Honestly, it’s mostly a place for me to freely ramble, process things, and clear my mind, even if no one cares to read it.
This has certainly been a handful of months. Life has not gone the way I thought it would or planned for the last time I’ve written here. Not in some bad way or anything, just different and unexpected. Everything about this year so far has been different. Even barely a month into the year, life just threw out plot twists, as if I’m in some major character development part of the series.
Looking back at the post, I was around three months into living in London at a new job, still single, still not really having much of a social life… Everything was still fairly new, and I was still settling in. The goal, at the time of writing, was to simply focus on basketball. The season was starting up, and that was going to take a lot of my time. It was also going to be 174 days of experiencing life as much as I can, whilst still looking to prioritise content.
Reading it over, I said I was in the best head space in my life — I’m not sure how I’d describe myself now. Since then, I had my first relationship(and it ended), and I’m at a new job that has, so far, honestly been the best decision I’ve made.
But that’s where everything changed, and that’s kind of what I want to touch on in this ramble, those two key changes — getting into my first relationship and changing jobs.
As well as looking to get back into this again and trying to get myself in a similar spot as I planned for the last time I wrote. I love writing, and I miss it. I’ve realised that for a while, so far I have been neglecting a lot of the things that I wanted to do, and I’m just getting back into it.
I wrote my last post on October 24th, and in just over two weeks, my life was different.
When I first got to London, I was also starting to date a bit more. I wasn’t expecting or even hoping that anything was going to turn into a relationship. Maybe I was somewhat open to it depending on the person, but I wasn’t actively looking for anything serious.
All of that went out the window pretty much instantly.
This isn’t going to be a big ramble on the actual relationship itself, though there is also a lot to unpack there that I feel like could even be beneficial to talk about. There was so much there that made me think about things differently. There was so much that made me realise things about myself that I didn’t even realise. There were instances that made me realise that I also need to work on a whole bunch of things about myself.
Maybe it was the lack of experience and being naive, but I had no idea that all of that was going to take up so much of my time. At first, though, it felt like it made sense because everything was going so well. It really was the honeymoon period where everything was just an all-time high.
In hindsight, I do feel like that shouldn’t have been devoted that much time. It shouldn’t have gotten to a point where it felt like everything else was being neglected. I didn’t know how to manage that. At that time, all I wanted to do was spend time with that person.
Again, in hindsight, I also realised that it may have gone too fast, too soon. Everything felt like 0-100 instantly. But again, in the moment, that was all good. There were no complaints there at all. And even now, I still regret none of that. All of that was one of the best periods in my life.
The biggest thing I think I learned in these eight odd months, compatibility is the most important thing in a relationship. Looking back at it, there were signs that this wasn’t going to work. Not to anyone’s fault or anything. I don’t think anyone has to do anything wrong to realise that you may not be right for one another. There’s no wrong or right in how you feel you match with someone for whatever reason. Some may prefer this or that, and that’s fine.
In one of my journals, I mentioned that love isn’t enough in a relationship because I still love the person. I still have huge care for them and will always want the best for them. That’s never going to go away.
But I remember in another piece I’ve written here is some of my different views on platonic and romantic relationships, where I don’t see much difference in the love for someone in a way, but the main difference between those types of relationships is the expectations and boundaries.
I think I believe that the difference between romantic and platonic is the conscious, active choice you make to commit to this person who has X expectations. It’s not the feeling in itself that’s different, but you making an active decision that you want to be with them and abide by different expectations.
That’s where I don’t think love was enough here. We were too different, but the feelings were also too strong that I really wanted it to work. That meant looking at things through rose-tinted glasses, excusing things, compromising on things, or hoping things would change. Again, this isn’t blaming the other person or saying that one of you is perfect, but different, and those differences are big enough to stand in the way of a relationship.
Now that this also ended, I remembered a conversation I had with a friend who was going through a breakup. She said that she regretted it because it ended up with her getting hurt. That was also a point that made her reluctant to start anything new with anyone else because of the possibility of getting hurt.
I said it then, and I think I’ll say it even now that I don’t think it matters if things will end. I still stand by that you can 100% try something even if there’s a high chance that it will end and that you will get hurt. I don’t see why you wouldn’t. You still experienced the time with them, and that should be enough.
It still sucks. The breakup happened recently, and it still absolutely suck. It’s weird getting used to someone for so long, and now you just have to get back to the same old routine. That’s the most difficult part. That’s where I’ve been trying to keep myself occupied and just doing things for the sake of doing things. It’s just finding things to replace the time you would’ve been with them.
I’m glad this all happened. It wasn’t what I planned or expected, but it was still the best eight months in my life, despite it not only ending, but also having to deal with difficult situations throughout it.
And so one final thing I’d add here is to still try things that may not work or things that come unexpectedly that weren’t part of your plans.
Another recent change has been a new job, a different bar. Best decisions for so many reasons.
The previous job was getting too much. It got to a point where you just didn’t want to go in at all. Any time the new rota came out, you were just hoping that it was somewhat good. There was dread for the upcoming busy weekends. It was not a good experience at all.
That’s just the work itself. The people there didn’t make it any better. That was another reason why it pushed me to just leave. Everyone felt like a stranger, and there weren’t many people that you just genuinely liked or even enjoyed working a shift with. A bad shift with bad people was the worst.
There was also additional drama and work gossip where the friendships there weren’t exactly all friendly either, and were more awkward.
So, it came to a point at the end of March where I started to look for jobs. The goal was literally anything to get me out of there. I thought I just needed a new environment. That can do wonders for you. That place wasn’t healthy at all, and any change was going to be great.
The change quickly happened. I cold emailed a place near my house. The commute was a key factor for me, so I was hoping that I could get something that was close. I shot my shot, and it worked out somehow. Though I did have at that point over six months of experience at a bar, that’s still fairly new, so I wasn’t getting my hopes up.
But a week later, I secured an interview, and once that was all good to go, I finished my application on shift and handed in my notice.
Within a month of looking, I was now in a completely different place, and it has been felt. It’s now been over two months, and I have no complaints. Everything is still a 10/10. And although I was happy at the start at the old place, this is completely different.
I now have a comparison, and this clears the previous place by miles. It’s a completely different vibe. Everything is different compared to that place, and that makes a difference. The workload is different. The customers are different. The approach, the attitude, the look, the managers, the team, and literally everything.
The main difference and one that made me so, so glad that I joined this place is the fact that people genuinely like each other here. They are friends. That wasn’t something that was felt in the previous place.
A lot of the conversations there were gossip, and there was a lot. There was new drama on each shift. There was always something to talk about with one another. Even when I was the new one, that was still known. This hasn’t happened here at all. There hasn’t been any gossip about people.
People here actually meet each other outside of work. They do stuff together. They celebrate things together. They spend time on their days off at work. They pop by just to say hi.
That is contagious, too, when you feel welcomed. I have been at the university. I have also been on a number of different basketball teams. I have been around people and teams so much, and I have yet to experience feeling this welcomed. This goes beyond the staff. There are so many customers and friends of friends that are close to the place that have all been so friendly and welcoming to a point it feels strange and fake — that’s probably a conversation in itself.
It got to a point where even I go there on my days off just for a quick drink, coffee, snack, dinner, or to pop by.
And this doesn’t even feel like a shallow, work-type friendship either. Since the breakup, some of the people there really helped by just having a chat — on that point, I am so glad that this breakup didn’t happen when I was still at the previous job. Being in this setting where I have the option to talk to people and spend time to distract myself has been huge.
Finding a place where you can feel comfortable with others and feel genuinely part of the group can do so much. When you also haven’t felt like you have in the past, it can really come across as fake and just strange that it can be like that. It still feels weird to me.
All of that combined has honestly made work feel like not work. It also showed how bad it was in the previous place, where if it gets to a point like that, it’s probably much better for you to just leave and change it.
You never know how great a workplace you could find if you just go elsewhere. This was so fortunate, and I’m honestly really glad it all happened the way it did.
Now, to finish off the ramble. I am almost a year into living on my own in London, working in a bar. That decision in August 2025 has changed everything for me.
I don’t think it hits me enough that your life can honestly be a few decisions away from being completely different. And it always makes me feel more optimistic and hopeful because you can be three months away from having your whole life changing and improving. All it takes is just doing something.
That has been the main takeaway from this. Just the mere doing something different will lead to things going differently. So simple, but if you do feel stuck, then the best course is to do a 180 and do something that goes completely against what you were doing.
Going forward, I’ve realised I have neglected a whole bunch of stuff. But now, with a whole bunch of different experiences, my mind is again in a completely different space. I am seeing things in another way than I was in October — having gone through my first relationship has changed a lot. That has changed my perspective on a lot of things and made me want different things.
So, it’s time to just focus on myself again. It’s time to go back to my basketball, my writing, my reading, and again experience different things with a fresh mind on things.
The goal is to get back into journaling here more. Not exactly sure how again, but it should be fairly similar to what it was. I just want to write more again, that’s it.
But that’s it for this update.
If you got to the end, I hope you have enjoyed JJ’s Words and have a great day!
Congrats on the new gig, sorry about the breakup, and welcome back!
Thanks!! 🫡